I'm so broken. I don't know where to turn. I know I'm losing it.

So Lonely

No one seems to care. I'm reaching out for help and get ignored. Or told I'm wrong for feeling this way. I know I won't do anything stupid, but I also see why someone would. I hate being all alone and just wish someone would listen.

Life, or Something.

I need to vent somewhere so why not here, on the interwebs, where the entire world can find it, but I know that no one will.

The thing that I think is the worst is the fact that you were the person I told EVERYTHING to. And now I don’t. I don’t want to. And yet I do. It’s become such a habit to tell you about my day; the funny things, the crazy things, the random thoughts that just pop into my brain. But now I don’t feel like wasting the breath. And at the exact same time, I hurt because I effectively have no one to tell. I don’t feel like going into the whys. I don’t feel like explaining. I want to move on and get past all of this, but I will never be able to, not completely.

I wish I had been worth your time. I wish that I had been worth loving. I wish that I hadn’t believed every sickening lie you told me. I almost wish I could erase the time. There is only one reason that I wouldn’t and that reason trumps everything and is even worth all of the pain. I would just like to know what I did. You always told me I was a good person. If I was such a good person, I would have been worth the effort. You were always worth the effort to me. My feelings never wavered, not once. I was committed. I never looked the other direction. I never risked it. In some ways, I wish I would have walked out the first time I had the chance. Again, that one reason is why I’m glad I didn’t. But the warning signs were there years ago. If I had trusted my gut, I wouldn’t be feeling this way today. I wouldn’t have gone through years and years of lies. I wouldn’t wonder if I can ever trust again. Can I trust again? Will I ever be able to let my exterior down again? It’s lonely, living like this. I don’t talk to people because I always talked to you. Even when I try to reach out, I don’t get a response. I didn’t purposely do anything wrong, and yet they all seem to side with you.

January and February 2015

So life got crazy busy the past two months. Why? Because I was stage managing a local play! And then it got even crazier when at the last minute, I was in said play. Due holidays and whatnot, we got a later start than would have been ideal, so the last two months have been a blur of lines, prop gathering, and nun costumes (The play was Drinking Habits in which two nuns are secretly keeping their convent afloat by making and selling wine. Things are all fine and dandy until they win a prize and two reporters show up trying to get a story. Hence, the nun costumes). In between that, there was a quick trip for Second Christmas, Birthday and Valentine's Day shenanigans, and a lot of book reading.

It's a little late (okay, a lot late), but here's my overview.

 

I met Clifford

I ate Cake

We Had Second Christmas

I tried Duck Pizza (who knew!? So Good!)

Library Kids are the Best!

And so are Boyfriends that make great Valentine's Dinners

I got way too excited

I hid backstage and took photos.

When I have them, I will post a few of the "official" pictures from the show (thanks to a good friend of mine for stepping in and taking pictures for us). And a huge thanks to every single person that supported the show, either by being in it, attending performances, sharing info, and for all of the other things, be it little or large, that helped bring this show to life! You rock!

And on the last day of February, I played in the snow!

-Melly

December 2014

Well, another year has ended. Like every year, it had it's ups and downs, but all around I'd say it was a pretty good year. Here is a bit of what went on in my life in December.

I lit bags of sand on fire. Trust me, it's prettier than it sounds.

I decorated the tree.

I made homemade chips (delicious)

I made a wreath. Go Cowboys!

I made the cat take selfies.

I opened presents.This one contained a Gilmore Girls shirt. I also got a Harry Potter Snuggie.

I watched the dog play in the snow. Because it's cold and I didn't want to go outside.

I read. Like a crazy person. Though I forgot to count one so this should be 258. I'm insane like this.

November 2014

Can't believe that November has come to a close and that the year is almost over! This next month is going to be busy! I still have 69 books to read to try and meet my reading goal for the year (300 books, not counting picture books) in addition to all of the Christmas prep. Here's to another great month!

I participated in NaNoWriMo.

I saw a great production of James and the Giant Peach (and cheered on my friends that were in said play).

I prepared for the release of The Hobbit.

I made my first ever homemade cranberry sauce. Not only that- I made two different kinds!

I spent time with family.

I decorated for Christmas.

I made stuff.

I tormented the dogs...er tried to get them to pose for a Christmas photo.

I ate sushi with the NaNo team!

Happy Early Holidays!

-Melly

October 2014

Since I plan on using this blog to sort of keep track of the things that happen in my life, I hope to do a monthly post of the 'of this is what happened' variety. That being said, this is what happened in October.

We got to visit the kiddos.

Someone awesome turned 6!

I listened to some pretty awesome storytellers.

I took pictures of the leaves and other fall-ness.

I took a class on what to do in the event of an active shooter and watched one of my friends take down the "bad guy".

I rode a camel at the local museum's Egypt exhibit.

I decorated for Halloween.

I got photobombed in the best way ever.

I threw the boyfriend a Ninja Turtles birthday party.

 

Let's see what adentures November will bring!

-Melly